What a great day. I stepped out into the gifts God has given me today (really want to talk about these more in another blog, since spiritual gifts might be a term some of my friends don’t understand… it isn’t quite the same as calling) Doing little things at church, during Sunday school time, made me feel complete. But I got home later tonight with a message that asked if I would lead some woman study this Thursday and was sent into a tail spin. I think I need to stand up for what my real gifts are and not try to pretend that I’m what others want me to be. I am not a teacher. I am not an encourager, at least not verbally. I can do awfully good at pretending to be both, but it’s at a sacrifice of my own heart and it never fills me up, it devastates me. I think I’ll be calling her tomorrow and letting her know that I probably wouldn’t be the best back up leader. It’s not what God has instilled in me. Now if you want someone to make some handy handouts or to make sure the couch is in a good position to see the TV, I’m your person. Times like this I wish God had given me other gifts…since mine never seem to be enough or what is needed… blah.
A quote:
“God has declared in the gospel that whenever we come to him, we are to call upon him freely and openly as our Father, who has adopted us as his children. If we do not have this assurance, the thought of serving God will make us grind our teeth.
If, however, we are persuaded that God looks upon us favourably; if, though we are weak and can do nothing worthy of his approval, he accepts us in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, then we will surely be filled with courage.
We will be like a ship’s sail that has been stretched and filled by the breeze! Thus, our hearts will run to obey him, like a ship driven along by its sail, when we know that God delights in us and accepts our works, not wanting us to be compelled into servitude. He is happy for us to be his children, and that we desire to obey him.”
– John Calvin, Sermons on Galatians (preaching on Gal 5:1-3)
Hey Tina,
I feel kinda strange reading this blog…. like I found your diary under your bed and pried open the lock to take a peek. I feel like I should be formally “invited” to read these most personal thoughts, but just know I think you are an amazing lady and I read here to help pry open my own heart where it concerns spiritual things. Your blog definately makes me think .. and sort through stuff. It is like I have this spare room that I only go into once in awhile that is piled to the ceiling with “stuff” some of it amazing and priceless some of it “filthy rags” .. and I get so completely overwhelmed by it all after being in there for a little bit that I simply back out and squeeze the door shut again. I have some great teaching that has been instilled in me by God through the bible and loving disciples… but I also have many yokes that were placed on my shoulders by man. I don’t know how to finally just plunge ahead to get through the mess and hopefully emerge victorious and in love with God again. I can totally relate to your line..”play the part” that was a huge amount of my previous spiritual life. But, I also think that “carrying our cross” and “dying to ourselves” can mean making us stretch beyond what we think we can do or what is comfortable. With the church being full of fallible people, we can be used beyond what God intended and become “yes” men. But, Jesus also said we should become a servant to all. Such a tightrope to walk.
During the last days of our involvement with the previous church, it was really strong on my heart to become like the woman Dorcas in Acts (sheesh! you actually got me to get out my bible and look up a scripture!) – the bible doesn’t say a huge amount about her – except she was well known for helping the poor and when she died she was surrounded by mourning women and widows. they also showed Peter the clothing she had made – which in comparison to the amazing things the apostles were doing sounds very ordinary. But, she was deeply loved, and the loss of her was so deep that they sent for Peter to come – she was also chosen by God to be brought back to life after death and she was included in the bible. In Denver I really tried to be a friend in the deepest sense of the word.. I gave my heart and time to many women and had some of the most amazing friendships of my life. I miss those times – it has been hard here to even make just the simplest of friendships, but there are more barriers in my life now – some of which are in my heart.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is – I can relate, but don’t close yourself off from new and sometimes scary areas of serving – it can help us grow. Also, don’t overlook the ordinary ways of serving that don’t always get noticed or recognized except by those who need it. (in the last church EVERYONE wanted to lead something – that was where all the glory and glamour was)
I also think you are very encouraging to be around – just being a great listener encourages my soul. I also think you are a great teacher – especially one on one – you are patient and understanding.
So, that’s my two cents, for what it’s worth. Hope you don’t think I was being “preachy” … just being open with you as you are in your blog.